MOVE | FORWARD | GO

I ride out wielding love, and you will know my full fury.

My name is Matt Annabel. I live in Carbondale, Colorado with my wife Susan, our two children, and a whole-hearted half-husky named Juno.

In 2022, after preparing for more than a year, I was fortunate to live out the dream of attempting the Colorado Trail Race, a 530-mile mountain bike traverse of the Colorado high country. I had a life-changing experience out there. I have yet to understand how that will fully manifest, but this website was one immediate outcome.

The race rekindled my faith in humanity. The people I encountered along the trail are some of the most amazing humans I have ever met; people whose presence and actions lift everyone around them. They made me want to be a better person. For me, that meant confronting a difficult truth…

A great violence lives within me. I rage against Father Time and grapple with Mother Nature. I play in ice and fire, laugh with the lightning, and dance through the darkness. I long for those battles. They fill my soul. I wear their scars with pride. To be clear, I’d rather Mother Nature rearrange my molecules than any hand or force of humankind. She could grant me that gift, but it is not one I seek. I fight to live; for those I love. Yet, I’ve always saved my greatest violence for myself. For 48 years, I managed to push aside and ignore my lifelong fight with anxiety and depression, and all the insecurities that feed them. I tricked myself into believing that was a sign of strength. I see now it was only Fear and its proxies – humanity’s great weaknesses.

“Move. Forward. Go.” was my internal mantra out on the Colorado Trail. The speed didn’t matter, nor did the mode. Riding, walking, learning, or thinking - these are all “go” gears out there. Each plays a role in confronting the many dangers, doubts, and decisions that come with traversing the high country during monsoon season. Everything changes always. In the wild, it is only the present that matters.

Change is coming for me now. I don’t know what it looks like yet. I just hope to be in the driver’s seat rather than run over. This journal is a tool towards that; a place where I can confront my fears, explore my truth, and share myself with others.

Maybe it will grow into more. Time will tell.

This is my first step forward.

Thank you for reading.

- Matt